Anyone know how to get rid of a possum?

So I stepped out onto the porch yesterday and something made a beeline off the porch and behind the bushes.  I tried to convince myself that it was a rabbit, even though it had a long, ugly tail.  My sister said it was probably the big black cat that roams the neighborhood.  But, it wasn't black.  I had a bad feeling that it might be something that I take comfort in knowing only comes out at night, like a raccoon or opossum.  I never saw either, so I went back to believing that it was the cat.

I come home, and the lid is off the garbage can.  Probably the wind, I said to myself, even though the wind wasn't blowing.  I put the lid back on and went inside.  I came out again a couple of hours later and the lid was off again, with a trail of garbage from the can to the bushes in front of the house.  I had put the remains of some Panera in there, so it was probably the hungry cat.  My sister assured me it must be so, even though I've never known a cat to take the lid off of a garbage can.  Not that they can't, of course.



This morning, the wait was over.  The darn thing was on the porch again, and the dog (a tiny Shih-Tzu) started barking like a Doberman.  The black cat, which was actually a gray "POSSUM" was peering out from behind the porch pillar with his beady little eyes.  It is not night time!  What are you doing here?  My tough little Shih-Tzu started backing away, then jumped in the car.  The possum ran away.  Upon further review, I discovered a wealth of garbage behind the bushes.  I guess he was furnishing his apartment or something. The world has been turned upside down.  We get two straight months of below zero weather and mountains of snow.  Nocturnal animals are hanging out in the daytime.  What's next?  

There is nothing cute about this animal.  He looks like a big rat and of course, as unassuming as he looks, he bares those tiny teeth and looks downright vicious.  A friend of mine was bringing in groceries one day, and a possum sneaked in while she had the door open.  He was in the bathtub before she noticed him.  She closed the bathroom door (slammed it and screamed) and heard the little varmint scratching the insides of the tub for hours until she finally decided to call the cops and they somehow helped her out.  After they stopped laughing.  Makes me shudder just to think of it.  Meanwhile, I want to guarantee that I never come out of the house again and find my unwelcome visitor waiting on the porch so I'm doing extensive research.  And here are my top 10 ways to get rid of a possum:

Trap it.
Poison it.
Put spikes on your fence, trees, or anything else it might climb on. 
Put some strong, really stinky stuff on your plants and around your house. 
Put bright lights outside your house.  (Duh...they dig the daylight!)
Buy an ultrasonic device which will effectively drive the thing crazy.
Put Vaseline and Vicks Vapo Rub on the possum's path.  Or in my case, just slather the porch in the stuff.  And maybe leave yourself a path, because that could get messy and dangerous.
Keep a round-the-clock vigil and scream at it if it surfaces.
Throw thumbtacks all over your garden, backyard, and porch.  This could be a problem if you ever hope to enjoy the outdoors again. 
Go to the humane society and get a (much) bigger dog.  Or a bobcat.  I understand that they scare the crap out of possums.